Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
