it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
