If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize