I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
