I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
