how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
