Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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