Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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