He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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