So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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