I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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