On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
