you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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