So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
