Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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