I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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