he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
