You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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