I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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