11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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