Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
