THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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