i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
