I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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