you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
