You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
