Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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