She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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