Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize