first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
