meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
