You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize