thus making me awesome and them whores
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
