So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
