Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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