when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
