I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
