I wish I could teleport
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
