Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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