vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
