Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize