TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
