I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
