I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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