This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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