Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
