Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
