i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
