My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
