dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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