You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
