If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
