Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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