The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
