hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
