Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
