We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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