Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
