did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
