Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
smell my finger.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
