have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
