I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
