meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
