Tell her she can't have a vagina
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
