i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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