Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
