Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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