He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
