A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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